sex ed

I will hereby confess that one of the reasons I have been hesitant to join the blogging revolution is it just seems so personal. It is a little scary to put so much of one's life for massive consumption up on the internet. But, being pregnant is causing me to confront the fact that my body will no longer be just my own, and I have a feeling privacy will become a luxurious, distant memory.
So, let the truth come out. I am carrying a child conceived in spite of many years of careful oral contraceptive taking. Let's take a little lesson directly from detailed patient labeling of one such "birth control pill", Aviane-28. Open your eyes, ladies (cause the burden is on us!): "When they are taken correctly, the chance of becoming pregnant is less than 1.0% per year when used perfectly, without missing any pills. Typical failure rates are less than 3.0% per year....In comparison, typical failure rates for other methods of birth control during the first year of use are as follows: IUD 3%, Depo-Provera .3%, Norplant .1%, Diaphragm with spermicides 18%, Male condom alone 12%, Female condom alone 21%, compared to 85% with no methods of birth control." SO, even if you set an alarm to take that cute tiny pill every single day at the exact same time, you could have a .9% chance of getting pregnant. Believe me, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out where I could have gone wrong, as the pill was part of my daily routine. The only possible hiccup is a bout of drunkeness/possible food poisoning that led to one really awesome vomit-filled night around New Year's. Perhaps the pill was not able to make it through and had the same fate as my regurgitated chicken tacos. If you're totally grossed out by now, many apologies. Blood, gore, puke, poop, etc., are also realities I'm preparing for.
And, if I have scared the crap out of you OC loyalists, take heart. This experience has also brought out in me a newfound faith in (but never total understanding of) God. Roll your eyes if you want, but he or she seems to make some things happen for a reason. If you are an eye-roller, don't worry, I'm not going to get all Fred Phelps or Jerry Falwell on you, because believe me, I have had plenty of disagreements with God in the past. So, here's to making the best of the opportunities that are given to us, whether we ask for them or not. Hold up your beer and wine glasses and I'll toast you with my non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice.