gainfully employed

Hurrah! New job starts Monday. I'll be working at the corporate office for Concorde Career Colleges assisting the director of financial aid.

Transition week

Been resisting my natural urge all week to wander about the house in my jammies like a zombie, crying aloud, "What am I? Who am I? Why am I a loser?" While these thoughts do run silently through my head, I'm trying to keep them to myself as I put on my best interview clothes, a winning smile, and a professional attitude to hit the pavement in pursuit of gainful employment. I have filled out online applications for every major corporation in the metro area, and I'm sure there are about 492 copies of my resume floating in the great black hole that is known as online resume submissions.

Currently trying to weigh out my options regarding getting into a job ASAP vs. holding out for the right job. I've had a lot of really low offers, (Area recruiters take note: I could have made that much 10 yrs ago when I worked at McDonald's, thank you very much) plus one scary offer to manage a loan office. Potential to make a lot of money, but I'm not sure it would be worth the stress and damage to my conscience. It would be subprime lending, small installment loans to people with less-than-perfect credit, basically one step above the payday loans. Not being in a position to be picky, and since the recruiter guy was really nice, I decided to give it a shot on Wednesday. And it was confirmed that this was not a direction I wanted to go. After witnessing the store manager of the office I was visiting burst into tears after getting chewed out by someone at the corporate office, and finding out the company's policies in wanting to keep the loans constantly renewed, basically leading to them being able to keep making money while keeping people in debt, it just wasn't something I could participate in.

I love Office Team. I visited this staffing agency on Thursday, and they actually treated me with respect, as someone who has good office skills and has something to offer an employer and should be fairly compensated in return. I scored above 95% on all the skills tests they gave me, Word, Excel, typing, data entry, etc. Hallelujah. I wanted to hug the girl I interviewed with. They called me back on Friday with a great prospect in the financial aid dept of a local career college, which I will be going to interview for on Monday. I also have an interview on Monday with a shipping company that needs help in their accounting dept. (Thanks, James!)

Tuesday was the 2nd official OB appointment. As I'm only just over 12 weeks now, it was pretty standard stuff, just running my vitals and weighing me (oh joy). Dr. Mitchell used a doppler to try to listen for a heartbeat, as they can pick one up as early as 10 weeks, but it was a no-go. He said it was probably still a little early as the baby is still probably sitting low in my abdomen, putting it behind the pelvic bone, and I'm slightly retroverted, so it might be tilted farther back. I'm also sure it didn't help that I have some "cushioning" in my belly which could probably block the sound. :) But, we did schedule the ultrasound for May 8, so I'll be really excited to see that. Hopefully the big "Boy or Girl?" question will be answered, because as much as I admire those people who want to go old school and wait to be surprised and see what it is when it's born, I just don't have that much patience in this situation. I would rather be prepared.

Last night was Janessa's wedding, which was super fun. Rick had a colleague cover his on-call so we could at least be there for the ceremony and most of the traditional reception events. The wedding was BEAUTIFUL, physically and emotionally. Janessa and her merry maids were gorgeous in their dresses, and I had major hair envy. They looked great. It was so touching to see Jeff & Janessa gaze at each other so lovingly that Jeff missed his first cue when the minister said, "Repeat after me..." They had a beautiful classy reception with GOOD food, and the best man made a nice toast. Good times with good friends as Rick & I sat with Megan & Rusty, Jon & Suze, and the solo Mr. Babler, as his wife was one of the beautiful bridesmaids with lots of wedding day duties, but she popped over to say hi during dinner. Thank goodness I had a pocket pack of Kleenex in my purse. With good times and bad, I'm having kind of a weepy week. Hooray, hormones!

Holy crap-crap-crappy weekend

I've been realizing lately that I'm getting a little burned-out with doing massage full-time, and due to the pregnancy, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up with the physical demands. I do a lot of intense, deep tissue work, sports-style massage, and stretching, which has been taking it's toll on my body lately. That, combined with my conflicted feelings regarding my workplace and boss, has led me to start seeking alternative employment. If I've told you my stories about Vee, you know what I mean. So, I had been keeping an eye out for office assisting/administrative type of positions, with the intention of securing one that will meet my needs for the next year or so, then giving a professional 2-weeks notice at the spa. Oops, change of plans.

I am seriously too tired to recount the whole story, but a privileged few know about the professional goodbye my boss gave me as I ended up quitting my job over the phone at 7pm on Saturday. Let's just say I shouldn't repeat it because I'm going to be someone's mother soon, and I'm trying to give up that kind of language. Ahem. Wow. Didn't want it to happen this way, but it was going to happen eventually, so now, to use her words, I just wish her distance.

I went back to the spa yesterday and caught up on all of my treatment notes, cleaned up my room, and packed all my stuff. It felt liberating and nerve-racking at the same time. I felt somewhat better later in the evening after Dad came over and Rick grilled some mm-mm-mm tasty burgers. However, when Vee called again at 8:30 this morning, I felt physically ill. My heart was pounding, I felt sick to my stomach, and I couldn't get my hands to stop shaking. Wow, if ever I needed confirmation that I did the right thing, even if it was in a less than ideal manner, I think that seals it.

Getting better tonight after eating for the first time today at 7 this evening. Got my resume out a lot today, went on a positive interview this afternoon, got a call on another prospect while I was gone, and talked to some really great friends and former colleagues on the phone. (Dana, Frances, and Amy are my angels) I'll do some more follow-up for Tuesday, maybe hit some of the staffing agencies, then the monthly OB appointment at 3:30. The sun'll come out tomorrow.....

Models of Motherhood

Feeling wistful and philosophical on a rainy and dreary night. I just saw the movie Elizabethtown tonight. It follows a man who is lost in his life and suddenly loses his father. He goes back to his father's hometown, gets reacquainted with family, meets a girl, goes on a journey, Hollywood stories, yada, yada, it wanders a little, but still I like it. There are just certain moods and small elements of life that feel so familiar when an author or filmmaker can capture them for you. Cameron Crowe, are you reading my mind?

So, on my mind as always, but even more so now as I prepare to be a mother, my own mother. I lost her when I was very young, 4 1/2, and my few personal memories get cloudier as each year goes by. I do however, get the occasional privilege of seeing her through the eyes of others. Mom lived for a while as a teenager with her aunt and uncle , and her cousins Bea & Annette saw her as a sister. I just read a recent post by Bea about her remembering the 3 of them singing and playing the guitar together. Stories like this always tug at my heart. So many people seem to have such sweet memories of her. I wish I had more of them.

I have been struggling with this idea: how on earth could I be someone's mother when I hardly remember seeing mine in action? And I know this is mainly an internal crisis. Everyone finds their own way to parent eventually. A lot of people don't even get along that well with their parents. They want to try to diverge from the path their parents took in child raising. But it is just part of the hole I feel. I want to be able to ask my mom myself. What were her pregnancy experiences? How did she feel in labor? How did she approach being a mother?

But I am lucky I am not alone. In spite of the sadness and loss I will always feel in connection with my mom, I have been provided with wonderful people who don't take her place, but come awfully close. They will be my models for motherhood.
My husband, who is always caring and concerned for me when I don't feel well.
My dad, who no matter what, always did everything he could to make sure I was taken care of.
My cousin Annette; I hope she knows that I aspire to be as great a mom as she is.
My friend Dana who is always there for me; babies may be scary, but we first learn about nurturing through taking care of each other, and then our pets!
My friend Megan who has also been there for me when it really counted; I thank her for her zany humor, massive photographic talent, and unique perspective on life.
My 2 mothers-in-law, Brenda & Debra, who both welcomed me so warmly and easily into their families.

I may have already lived longer than my mom had a chance to, which is sad, and scary. But hopefully I can do enough living for us both. I want to make her proud.

Meow

This story made my day.

Mystery cat takes regular bus to the shops

Enjoy! :)

blech

So far, so good on the morning sickness. Those who know me well know that vomit & I have an intimate history together. So much time spent hugging Mr. Porcelain, so many embarrassing public vomiting experiences. I pretty much thought I would be doomed in the morning sickness department, but I have been OK since overcoming the sinus infection nastiness with accompanying antibiotic side effects. However, this doesn't mean I will be showing up at those eating competitions on ESPN. I have found my limits. On Sunday morning specifically.
Combine the following:
1 Empty morning stomach
+Coffee
+Ice water
+Iron-containing prenatal vitamin
+Apple
= gross

So, so, so stupid. I think I have staved off the morning sickness by usually trying to eat smart in the morning, and not taking the vitamin on an empty stomach. On Easter morning though, I skipped breakfast in favor of waiting for the yummies to be had at the family get-together, but thought, maybe I should just have a piece of fruit so my blood sugar doesn't get too low. It seriously only took 3 minutes after eating half the apple before my stomach cried, "NO!" I didn't even feel nauseated. Just knew that I had about 3 seconds to reach the bathroom.

What fun. Hope I made your day. Sorry about the grossness. This is the reality when the kid is only about the size of an orange. The cute stuff comes later. Next doctor's appointment is next Tuesday, when we'll be scheduling the first ultrasound. That will be more fun than vomit.

Fertility, flowers, & foul foods

Ah, Easter, that sweet and logical time of year when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with Pagan fertility symbols like bunnies and eggs. Just ask Stan from South Park what it all means here.
I know, I am a terrible blasphemer, an evil heathen, and I will be punished. But didn't God grace us with intelligence and a sense of humor? So, South Park is really offensive, usually over the top and gross, and yes, it is a cartoon, and no, children should not watch it, but I still find it freakin' hilarious.

Also on the subject of Easter, we're usually seeing beautiful weather and all of the early spring flowers have burst forth. Yup, they did a lot of bursting last week, and then Mother Nature decided to kick them in the gut. After temps in the 80's last Monday, it has now plunged to 22 degrees. I was so ecstatic when the tulip bulbs I lovingly planted bloomed into beautiful reds, pinks & yellows. I have a bit of a bad history with plants, so this is an accomplishment for me. Now all hope is lost and my pride has turned to shame.



















So cruel, so sad, taken out when in their prime. I seem to remember lots of literature from high school English that reiterated the lesson that man should never think he can conquer Mother Nature. We never learn.

Also on the subject of Easter, the Nash family prepares for it's annual gathering in Smithville. Cousin Geraldine has graciously offered to host us again. Grandma Nash called me last week to fill me in on the details and informed me that Geraldine had me down for deviled eggs. She "had me down" for them? As in I'm famous for my love of and fantastic making of deviled eggs? Let the record show, right now, that:
a) I'm not a picky eater. There are just a few foods in the American diet that gross me out. Deviled eggs being one of them.
b) I'm a pretty decent cook. There are any number of dishes I could prepare well and would have been happy to bring to our Easter gathering. Macaroni & Cheese, anyone?
c) On my top 10 list of favorite things to do on a Saturday night after I get home from rubbing people's hairy backs, while I'm pregnant and sensitive to foul smells, being on my feet in the kitchen, hard-boiling and peeling a dozen eggs ranks at #672.
So, in spite of long-standing family delusions that I like deviled eggs, I have never even hard boiled an egg before. (I'm a scrambled egg girl.) My very loving and patient father gave me instructions over the phone, happy I'm sure to help, because it meant he didn't have to peel a dozen hard boiled eggs this year. Well, it was ugly, and time consuming, and smelly as I predicted, but they are done. I don't wish illness on my family, and would feel horrible if my grandma or an elderly cousin were to contract food poisoning, but I'm secretly hoping that they are AWFUL so I won't get asked to bring them again. Deviled egg making tips:
1. Use old (but not yet expired) crappy cheap white eggs. I just happen to buy high quality brown eggs for our normal household consumption because the nutritional value is way better. The brown shells seem harder & thicker, thus making peeling a tedious and frustrating process.
2. Let the eggs cool a lot before attempting to peel. I learned this the hard way as my wonderful husband tried to help me.
3. If you actually like these things, it might be good to taste your finished product before serving. I'm flying blind, sans taste-test today. I guess they look like deviled eggs....

Happy Easter everyone!

at the beginning

Subtitle: What not to do when you're pregnant but you do anyway because you don't know you're pregnant yet. I'm on a bit of a blogging spree today as work is in a total pre-Easter lull. For those of you who haven't heard the story of my early pregnancy so far, I will share it with you. Warning: if you don't like sick people, this is probably TMI. You might enjoy this if you are killing time at work and have absolutely nothing else to do. If you die of boredom or get grossed out, I warned you...

Around the end of January, my husband Rick returned home from a Denver family visit and then came down with a really nasty cold or flu bug. Which I then acquired. Delightful. I managed to pull through the first couple weeks of February, fortunately, as this is the busiest time of year for my work as a massage therapist in a spa. I even had a beer for our quiet at-home Valentine's celebration. I battled some cold-like symptoms, and nausea, and my sense of smell seemed super-human in spite of congestion. But, by Friday, February 16, a day when I was preparing to do at least 5 massages, with 5-6 more to follow on Saturday, I went down hard. My head and whole body ached, my throat felt like I had been swallowing knives, I was weak, congested, and had hot & cold flashes. My holistic-therapy minded boss instructed me to stay at work so I could sit in the sauna and dowse myself in eucalyptus oil in hopes of boosting my immunity and sweating the illness out. I was really hoping for the best as I sat in that fragrant sweat box, furiously working at my lymph plexuses with the magic oil....to no avail. By 3 o'clock that day, I had all I could take of the sauna, and emerged to find out it was snowing! Perfect. I already felt too weak to drive. Maybe I would lie down for a while to regain my strength before heading home and the storm would blow over in the meantime. After passing out for an hour I look outside to find it is snowing harder, and am certain by now I need medical attention. I call my doc to find they've already gone. (Banker's hours!) *%$#! Francis the receptionist at work kindly helps me find a local Walgreen's with one of those quick clinics inside. So I begin the hour long trek in a snowstorm, at rush hour, overpay for gas in Fairway, still fearing my car will stall in the crappy weather, and finally make it from the Plaza to a Walgreen's on Metcalf in OP after 5:30.

My complements to the staff of the Take Care clinic at Walgreen's, as they saw me quickly and confirmed I had a severe sinus infection, prescribing some humungoid mutant antibiotics, allowing me to give the prescription to the oh-so-enthusiastic pharmacy staff by 6:15. The snotty pharmacy tech informed me I would need to wait an hour as they were really busy. I've done a lot of service-oriented jobs, so I really try to be empathetic and patient when a store or restaurant is swamped. But snotty attitudes set me off. Fine, I feel like lying on the floor to die and I'm carrying around an emesis basin, but I'll go sit in the waiting chairs with the rest of the angry impatient customers. I inform her that I will stay in the store until they call my name. I'm not going to drive all the way home in the snow with the way I'm feeling without the prescription. Under normal conditions, I'd be happy to walk around the store, shopping for makeup, trying on lotions or reading magazines, but I feel pretty certain that hurling is eminent. So I try to sit far away from everyone else and stifle the heaving as I watch customer after customer approach the pharmacy, get impatient and indignant, but finally leave with their prescriptions. I think it was around 7 when the hurling would be stifled no longer and my emesis basin came in handy. Not that either of the 2 useless Walgreen's store managers who had been walking past me every 10 minutes gave a care. The nicest person in the store was the photo lab lady, who let me go back to the employee restroom to finish up. Ultimately, this is a lesson in assertiveness. As everyone else was already yelling at the pharmacy staff, it felt useless to add my voice to the angry masses. So, I sit waiting another 20 minutes after the embarrassing public vomiting, as the pharmacy becomes almost empty. I finally stand up and hover around the counter, hoping someone will finally get a clue and help me. It only takes 5 minutes for another apathetic pharmacy tech to notice me and drift over. She finds my prescription is already in the bin and has been filled. They just chose not to notify me in spite of my saying that I would wait in the pharmacy for it to be ready. So relieved was I that I could finally get out of there and go home and to bed, I didn't stick around to give the management the bitching out they deserved. Now I've saved up all that healthy rage for a silly blog post. Stay tuned for the next episode when I recall the subsequent doctor's appointment that led to the discovery of my pregnancy....

sex ed

I will hereby confess that one of the reasons I have been hesitant to join the blogging revolution is it just seems so personal. It is a little scary to put so much of one's life for massive consumption up on the internet. But, being pregnant is causing me to confront the fact that my body will no longer be just my own, and I have a feeling privacy will become a luxurious, distant memory.
So, let the truth come out. I am carrying a child conceived in spite of many years of careful oral contraceptive taking. Let's take a little lesson directly from detailed patient labeling of one such "birth control pill", Aviane-28. Open your eyes, ladies (cause the burden is on us!): "When they are taken correctly, the chance of becoming pregnant is less than 1.0% per year when used perfectly, without missing any pills. Typical failure rates are less than 3.0% per year....In comparison, typical failure rates for other methods of birth control during the first year of use are as follows: IUD 3%, Depo-Provera .3%, Norplant .1%, Diaphragm with spermicides 18%, Male condom alone 12%, Female condom alone 21%, compared to 85% with no methods of birth control." SO, even if you set an alarm to take that cute tiny pill every single day at the exact same time, you could have a .9% chance of getting pregnant. Believe me, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out where I could have gone wrong, as the pill was part of my daily routine. The only possible hiccup is a bout of drunkeness/possible food poisoning that led to one really awesome vomit-filled night around New Year's. Perhaps the pill was not able to make it through and had the same fate as my regurgitated chicken tacos. If you're totally grossed out by now, many apologies. Blood, gore, puke, poop, etc., are also realities I'm preparing for.
And, if I have scared the crap out of you OC loyalists, take heart. This experience has also brought out in me a newfound faith in (but never total understanding of) God. Roll your eyes if you want, but he or she seems to make some things happen for a reason. If you are an eye-roller, don't worry, I'm not going to get all Fred Phelps or Jerry Falwell on you, because believe me, I have had plenty of disagreements with God in the past. So, here's to making the best of the opportunities that are given to us, whether we ask for them or not. Hold up your beer and wine glasses and I'll toast you with my non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice.