Karen's 18 year project

T shirt o' the day

2008-07-01T18:35:00.001-07:00

"Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory it too good."
Friedrich Nietzsche

while boys play mariokart

2008-07-01T18:07:00.000-07:00

Amelia went to bed pretty early tonight. I think she is using a lot more energy now that she is crawling consistently. I changed her diaper after we ate dinner, and she was still fussy. It had been barely an hour since her last bottle, and she had some corn puffs and juice while we ate dinner, so surely she wasn't hungry. So we tried the teething ring, we tried walking around, standing and rocking, crawling after the dog, singing, still ....

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Baby Translation: I am so mad! Why don't you guys understand? You are ruining my life! This is terrible. I am in distress. Do you not know what wah means?

Enter bottle, and sweet contentment for the 5 minutes it takes her to chug the formula. Some extra calories are required to triple your size in a year.

I might be temperamental if I had teeth poking through my baby gums, too. Other than these fussy times, though, the munchkin has proven herself to be pretty easygoing and smiley. As we approach her 9-month birthday this week (which happens to be the same day another candle is added to my cake) I am floored by how fast this year has gone. I hope we can continue to make time for fun together like we did this weekend.

Rick & I took her to Crown Center on Saturday. While we munched tasty sandwiches at Streetcar, Amelia watched the people stroll by and ate her corn puffs. Rick tore up some pieces of his french fries for her(sans salt or ketchup). Oh, Amelia, we've only just begun. French fries are a mere speck in the vast junk food universe. She seemed pleased. We will definitely be back so she can frolic in the Crown Center square fountain. Got some pretty cute pictures of letting her dip her toes or fingers in one of the geysers. By next year, she just might be out there running through the spray with the other kids.
This girl wins the awesome T-shirt contest:

That's right, it says I heart tater tots.

Good times.

the wiggle worm goes outside

2008-06-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

Going to make more consistent updates. (at least try) Some major areas of baby development:

crawling: see previous post. You can tell she's so proud of herself when she looks up at you cheering her on. She got to wiggle in the yard this evening while Rick and I did some lawn work. The feeling of the grass doesn't bother her at all.

Teeth: 2 center bottom teeth have been present for about a month. Left top canine broke through while we were in Colorado. And, just this evening, we notice at the dinner table that she's making chomping noises at us. The left front tooth has just broken.

socialization: party animal! Was seen recently awake at 1am on a charter bus. We all had a great time at Jon & Suz's wedding.

Eating: mostly the soft stuff. Pureed fruit and veggies, one I'll mix some cereal with for a meal. But, she loves trying to gnaw on a big teething biscuit, and ate some small chunks of banana on Sunday.

Shutterfly collection of photos: http://randkdiaz.shutterfly.com/action/

I love my Grandpa!

Little wiggler

2008-06-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'm going to call it. Amelia is officially crawling! A momentous event motivated me to finally post again. She's been rolling over for a while now, and getting better every day at pushing herself up with her arms. She has been crawling in little circles for a week or two but finally some forward momentum. Tonight she was moving from one side of the room to the other. I could never capture the big movements, and the video is a little dark because we were in the basement, but her face was lit up!

hear no evil, speak no evil

2008-03-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

Good & bad news in babyland. We'll get the bad out of the way first. Amelia has had a cold and then got an ear infection. The cough has been one of those deep, chesty coughs that just makes you cringe, especially when it comes out of a baby. She's taking antibiotics for the ear infection, and I think she's on the upswing now.
So, good news is she's getting better, although she didn't let it get her too down anyway. There have been times when she was a little fussier, but overall the munchkin was a trooper. She's doing lots of babbling of the bababa dadada gagaga variety. Lots 'o fun; you can tell she is very pleased with herself as she makes her sounds. She also sat up unassisted on Saturday night. Time is going so fast, I can't believe she is 5 months old already. Now we're ready for some nice spring weather so Amelia will know what it feels like to be out of doors! At any rate, I think we'll hit the Auto Show this weekend. We can at least go somewhere but it's not weather-dependent. Everyone I know has cabin fever. Here, have a T-shirt, it will make you feel better.

babbbbbbabbabababble

2008-02-27T05:36:00.000-08:00

Baby babble is priceless. Amelia's really been vocalizing lately, mostly the ba-ba-ba sounds, that is, when she is not shoving her blanket or her bib in her mouth. Or, she decides to unleash her inner Mariah and let out a high pitched squeal.

T shirt o' the day

2008-02-27T05:31:00.001-08:00

Amelia says, "I'm innocent!"

"The doggy did it!"

T shirt o' the day

2008-02-25T18:34:00.001-08:00

For your viewing pleasure, straight outta elementary school.

Milk, milk, lemonade....

....around the corner :

development

2008-02-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

News on the baby front:
Around the beginning of January, while wiggling on her favorite play mat from Fairy Godmother Dana, Amelia decided to flip over from her stomach to her back. Hurray! Brian and I cried with glee. We let her gurgle and play on her back, then I flipped her back to her stomach, and she turned over again. And hasn't done it again since. Hmm. Babies are hard to figure out.

4 month checkup on February 6: she's up to 15 lbs (75th percentile), head size is 90th percentile. Yeah, go big brains! :) I took some really great pictures with my camera phone at the doctors office of Rick walking Amelia on the exam table. Please direct hate mail to Sprint as I lost those pictures on my phone's old memory card. boo. But, I have many more pics to share.....

Such as the ones of Amelia's first solid food! After getting the blessing from the pediatrician, we've starting trying to give her baby rice cereal. She'll still be getting most of her nutrition from the bottle for now, but we start introducing the solids so she can slowly adjust to the idea of real food, and start developing the motor skills for it. Needless to say, the first night of cereal produced comic results

We did plain cereal a couple of times, then I tried sweetening it (just a little, cause the kid will already have a sweet tooth with my genes) I've done pineapple juice, mashed banana, and her favorite has been applesauce. I mix the cereal with some formula until it looks like cream of wheat, then add a tablespoon of all natural unsweetened applesauce. Now she knows that when the spoon comes under her nose, she opens her mouth! We'll work on that a little while, and then be moving on to veggies and other fruits on their own. Exciting stuff. I'll be sure to post pics of the diapers solid feeding leads to.

Turning it up to 11

2008-02-25T17:36:00.000-08:00

Yes, today calls for turning it up. Singing (or screaming) at the top of your lungs in your car because no one ever told you it was going to be this frustrating. Oh, yes, as the Shirelles told us, "Mama said there'll be days like this...." but she didn't tell me.
And so, a homage, to the-end-of-the-work-day, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here, and get-me-a-beer, sing-along-with-the-songs-you-don't-listen-to and sing-in-front-of-other-people-montage. That's right, we need a montage. Beware of my weirdness and way out of date musical tastes (and my wrath, because I'm one angry dwarf, and 200 solemn faces are you.)
1. Bulls on Parade, Rage Against the Machine
2. Song for the Dumped, Ben Folds Five
3. One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces, Ben Folds Five
4. Megalomaniac, Incubus
5. Let It Be, The Beatles

OK, I'm really lucky, and my drive home from work isn't very far, so I only had time to listen to 1 angry dwarf a couple of times so I could sing "kiss my ass goodbye now, look who's tellin who what to do...." On the outside, I'm a goody-two-shoes wimpy conformist; but beware of the anarchist beneath......it helps to release.

Coming home from work when you have a kid is so different. I used to come home after work on a rough day and turn into a vegetable in front of the TV for seriously, literally, hours. I don't have that choice anymore, which is OK, because things I never thought I would have had the strength for before, I am finding I do now. Case in point, having a really crummy day at work and managing to not totally melt down. Aaah, maturity. I guess I had to find it sometime. Every day, you really just have to push through the crap, and hope for a better day the next time the sun comes up, because laying down and giving up is just not an option. Although that sounds nice, cause, man I've had this pain in my neck and back all day; I miss massage. (Giving them and receiving them)

Getting rid of all selfish, whiny thoughts

now!

OK, I have exorcised the demons. Now I can give you all some sweet updates on the bebe.

Holiday hangovers

2007-12-26T13:09:00.000-08:00

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
I have finally discovered the reason for 95% of Americans making the same New Year's weight loss resolution each December 31:

I will accept my Nobel Prize for brilliance in "duh" anytime.

Meanwhile, I try to survive through another dull week in the office during which all the management and executives take their eons of earned vacation while those of us who are lower on the totem pole hold down the fort. I am currently fighting the impulse to curl in a ball under my desk with Garfield.

Since a light snow has begun this afternoon, my California-born boss has gone home due to inexperience with winter driving. I have my memories of Christmas to keep me warm. Amelia enjoyed the shiny wrapping paper. She sat on my lap while we opened her presents and watched everything. We kind of guided her hand into ripping the paper on one package. I'm sure she'll enthusiastically maul the packages next year. Rick got me a gift set with my favorite Elizabeth Arden Green Tea perfume, but the best present of all is looking at this face every morning.

What I want for Christmas

2007-12-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

This is all I need:

Amelia has been working on sitting up in the Bumbo baby sitter chair. Rick took this picture of her at home today. I can't wait to get home and see her. It's pretty cool to watch her hold her head up and look around. She's also making lots of cooing, gurgling, and grunting noises. It's not English yet, but you can tell she's working on it.

Brian should be creating a delectable feast for us this evening; a stuffed pork tenderloin roast with mashed potatoes (Grandma Nash's favorite), green beans, and squash casserole.

Although she might not get much out of it this year, we're still looking forward to Amelia's first Christmas. She has 3 baby's first Christmas ornaments on the tree! Aunt Sue gave me a picture frame one for a shower gift, Grandpa Russell & Carolyn sent us a cute baby in a cradle for Christmas, and we just received a lovely handmade one from Annette.

A quick post from work as I have exactly 55 minutes left. (what work they thought we would accomplish on Christmas Eve, lord only knows....)

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!

T-shirt o' the day

2007-12-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

This one's for you, Janessa

blog overhaulin'

2007-12-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

Blogging with a baby in my lap, since her new favorite position is sitting up, so we'll make this short. A little cut n paste from the Myspace update I made the other night:

Yeah, so, it's only been about half a year since I last posted a blog. But for real, Mrs. Smith, I have a good excuse this time. An actual human being came out of me. Then my husband and I were responsible for it's every need. 4 short weeks later, I went back to work, while still caring for said mini human. What a strange trip it's been.

This isn't news to a lot of you, because:

a. Rick is better at keeping up with phone calls and email and such. He's so techno-savvy, my man.

b. You've been to my house

c. I've been to your house

So, if you are one of the patient, sweet acquaintances that I have neglected to stay in contact with recently, I apologize sincerely.

It only took 2 1/2 months for me to post it but:

Amelia Kathleen Diaz was born October 5, 2007. Our world has been tipped off of it's axis, but in a really good way. :) I posted a few pics. It's only 11:38 as I write this, so getting a little tired now (I know, more excuses), so I'll wrap this up. Don't worry, I'll post more soon. I should have more free time as Amelia should be graduating from Harvard and getting elected President any day now.

Fat girl in a little coat

2007-07-11T16:00:00.001-07:00

OK, let's have a little discussion about the insulting experience of shopping for maternity clothes. One would think this would be the one time in a girl's life when large enough clothes can be easily located. I got really excited after seeing an ad for Kohl's that showed all the maternity clothes were on sale. Up until recently, I'd been getting by wearing most of my old clothes, but the belly is starting to get in the way. Keeping in mind we're trying to stay on budget, because this kid is eventually going to come out and need crazy things like clothes and diapers and food and daycare, good timing on the ad. Some notes on my shopping experience:
1. Cracked out pregnant lady who was shopping at the same time as me: you are scary, ma'am. I could seriously only stand about 5 minutes of her hovering near me and jumping from rack to rack as she looked for the smallest clothes in the department.
2. On the subject of small clothes: I mean no offense to women who are petite, naturally small framed, etc. etc. Seriously, I wish I was you. But I'm not. I kind of started out larger than normal, and pregnancy is a bad time to adopt a radical weight loss plan.
3. I am not Jennifer Aniston. I do not have a personal trainer or Zone meals delivered to my home. I am not having a fake pregnancy on TV. Having my belly hang out over my pants and/or below my shirt would not be cute. I need the clothes to actually cover my body so I can wear them to work.
4. Sizes, 0, -0, Small, and Extra Small should be prohibited from maternity departments. If you're that small, one would think you don't need maternity clothes.

As I have only been able to locate a few reasonably priced maternity tops at Target, my wardrobe is shrinking. Thus my experience getting dressed for work this morning: v

If I get any happier, I'll make myself nauseated

2007-07-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

1. Glucose Tolerance Test came back normal. I don't have to worry about diabetes. Hooray!

2. 4th of July. Great holiday; I love my country even if Lee thinks I'm some kind of dirty democrat hippie. haha. And it will make a nice little break in the work week.

3. Scanner gun fun! Dana and Megan helped me set up a baby registry at Target. It's kind of impossible for baby clothes to be uncute.

4. Got hired on as an official employee at Concorde last week. No more messing with the temp agency, and now I have a little more job security, as long as I can convince Amelia to go full term so I will qualify for a leave of absence.

5. Barbecue goodness. Rick's grilling ribs tomorrow.

6. Birthday Thursday! Going out with the Grandma. :)

One nasty orange soda, please

2007-06-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Can I get that with 4 sides of needle sticks? Thanks so much. One concern in pregnancy is gestational diabetes, which is when pregnant women who have never had diabetes before have high blood sugar (glucose) levels during pregnancy. There is more info about it at the American Diabetes Association's website here.
It can be harmful to the baby, but if it is caught and treated, the doctor and mother can take action to keep blood sugar low and help the pregnancy and baby to be healthy. So I think it is pretty standard for doctors to order all expecting women to take a 1 hour glucose tolerance test just to screen for this disorder. A few weeks ago I did my duty and went to the hospital lab to ingest a glucose drink so my body's reaction to the increase in blood sugar could be measured. Glucose=sugar, right? Thankfully the drink is cold, which helps somewhat to mask the flavor and make it easier to chug. The first drink I had was cola-flavored. This is a generous description. It's like flat cola, with too much sugar. I'm sure Coca-Cola wouldn't want to share their patented formula with medical supply houses. I recommend chugging, because it's not going to get any better and you only have 5 minutes to finish the bottle. So you do that, and then wait an hour so you can give a blood sample. At my last Dr. appt this week, he informed me that the numbers in the first test were not really bad and didn't immediately indicate diabetes, but he wanted to do the more thorough 3 hour test to be sure.
Again on Friday, I trudged to the hospital lab to allow the technicians to practice their phlebotomy skills. Let me break here to offer this explanation and ask for forgiveness for being a big whiner.
Everything about the pregnancy has been going pretty well so far. As I mentioned previously, the ultrasound was a remarkable experience. I feel an intense responsibility to do things right and protect my baby. Even though I hadn't made the decision consciously that I was ready for motherhood, I don't consider this responsibility to be a burden, as it is just amazing to think of what is happening right now; a new person will come into the world and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of that. So, I'm not going to jump up and cheer for needles, but let the health care workers do what they must. Just let me complain about it a little bit.
For the 3 hour test you have to be fasting for 8 hours beforehand. I'm not a doctor, so I'm sure there's more to it, but it seems to me that after someone hasn't eaten for at least 8 hours and then drinks a bottle of sugar water, that of course their blood sugar levels will be crazy. But I digress. Let's just say I was a little cranky Friday morning as I had to get up early to make sure I was in line at the lab before they opened at 7, and I hadn't eaten breakfast. Since the test takes 3 hours, I had to make sure to get started early to minimize the time I'm missing from work. Needle stick #1, then drink the stuff. They were out of cola-flavored drink, so it was orange. OK, I'll just pretend this is orange juice, it's breakfast time.....blech. The lab tech said I should inform them if I vomited, which is probably good advice, since I felt the distinct possibility of it happening once I consumed the bottle. The best advice I can offer is to just keep swallowing.
No offense to drug addicts, but doing these things really makes you wonder how someone could choose to do heroin or whatever other drugs involve CHOOSING to stick yourself with a needle. Um, no thank you. I have found the best way to deal with giving blood is to not watch the needle go in. But to do that stuff to yourself, I guess you would have to watch. Ew. I'm not squeamish about seeing blood, I'm just not a fan of pain. It gives me another level of respect for people who manage with diabetes their whole lives. They have to stick themselves on a regular basis to live and they didn't ask for that. With all that said, I can't say I enjoyed having both my arms bruised as the 3 hour test involves giving 1 blood sample each hour for 3 hours.
Now we just have to wait for the results and hope for the best. In the meantime, I think little Amelia is enjoying all this extra sugar, because she's been moving around a lot. The fluttery movements have evolved into more distinctive feeling thumps and kicks. It's a weird but awesome feeling.

My fetus is rolling her eyes

2007-06-01T15:45:00.001-07:00

She's only 6 months in utero, not 16 years old, but already I am a old, lame, behind-the-times kind of parent. So sorry for letting this go so long. Time to do some catch-up blogging.
Some of you have already heard this news, and if not, here it is in it's blog-o-riffic-ness.

Belly Watch!
So, the doc had been telling us to look for our baby's debut around October 31, which was a source of amusement, and comfortingly far away.
On May 8, Rick and I had the amazing privilege of seeing and hearing our baby for the first time. The ultrasound is an experience I wish I could live over and over. It was inspiring (and a relief) to hear the baby's heart thumping away. The ultrasound technician was very patient, and although I don't have any previous experience to judge this by, I think she's really good at her job. She spent a lot of time going over my belly and looking at video of the baby from different angles to examine the heart, head, spine, limbs, and digits. She took some measurements, and from her observations gave us this information:
1. If you didn't already hear it from us, or guess from my use of gender-specific pronouns, we are having a girl!
2. Development is looking good so far. I am so grateful and happy.
3. I'm probably about 4-5 weeks farther along than the doctor had previously estimated. This pushes the estimated due date up to Sept. 25. That means as of right now, I am about 23 weeks, or just beginning the 6th month. Holy cow is this summer going to fly...
Here, the first of what I am sure will be maannnyyy baby pictures
Yes, that's a scary looking baby face.Here is a profile shot; you can see her holding her arms up and it almost looks like she is sucking her thumb.

She moved around a bit while it was going on, and was moving her hand like opening and closing a fist. She's been pretty active ever since. The same week of the ultrasound I started feeling strange little movements from her vicinity. It's like having my belly tickled from the inside.
Fun times!
More updates to come, I promise....

how Karen got her groove back...

2007-05-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

...a little. Karen's a white girl, so she never really had "groove". As a silly male high school classmate once informed Dana and I, we were "the whitest girls" he had ever met. But still, getting back in the swing of things this week.

So far, so good with the new job. Also good: the temp agency makes a quick weekly turnaround on payroll. Sweet, sweet moolah. I've been getting all of my assigned work done on time, if not ahead of schedule, so hopefully it will bode well for this temp position turning into permanent employee status. As long as I'm not becoming a nuisance to my boss, since I'm always coming to her for more to do. It will be better when I've been there a while and understand everything that goes on so I'll know what needs to be taken care of. But I think I have been pretty good about working independently and figuring things out by myself, while still knowing when to ask questions. There is supposed to be a 60-90 day trial period before I can be offered employee status, so both the employer and I can decide if this is a good match. I'm getting used to living 8-hour days in cubicle-land again. It's funny how it's not driving me crazy (yet) like it did before I got into massage. My typing speed is working up towards where I was before massage school. I am having to adjust to a conventional business environment and schedule, but I now have Saturdays free!!! We'll probably be gorging on the chips and salsa tomorrow for Cinco de Mayo. For now though, the baby wants pizza.

I think Gretchen is going through an adjustment with our schedule, too. The times Rick & I left for and came home from work have in the past been pretty staggered, so the most time Gretchen would have to spend by herself indoors was 6 hours, and I had an extra day off during the week. I think she has been getting a little cabin fever, or maybe she's going though the doggy version of "terrible twos", because she is extra sassy and disobedient this week. She is still sweet and loving after she calms down, but when we give her commands like sit or shake, she makes this groaning bark sound, wags her head and rolls over on the floor. What a clown. I can't wait to see how she handles having a baby around here full time.

Hurry up, Papa John's! Can't have Friday night without pizza. But fajita fiesta tomorrow! Can you tell I'm (we're) hungry?

gainfully employed

2007-04-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hurrah! New job starts Monday. I'll be working at the corporate office for Concorde Career Colleges assisting the director of financial aid.

Transition week

2007-04-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

Been resisting my natural urge all week to wander about the house in my jammies like a zombie, crying aloud, "What am I? Who am I? Why am I a loser?" While these thoughts do run silently through my head, I'm trying to keep them to myself as I put on my best interview clothes, a winning smile, and a professional attitude to hit the pavement in pursuit of gainful employment. I have filled out online applications for every major corporation in the metro area, and I'm sure there are about 492 copies of my resume floating in the great black hole that is known as online resume submissions.

Currently trying to weigh out my options regarding getting into a job ASAP vs. holding out for the right job. I've had a lot of really low offers, (Area recruiters take note: I could have made that much 10 yrs ago when I worked at McDonald's, thank you very much) plus one scary offer to manage a loan office. Potential to make a lot of money, but I'm not sure it would be worth the stress and damage to my conscience. It would be subprime lending, small installment loans to people with less-than-perfect credit, basically one step above the payday loans. Not being in a position to be picky, and since the recruiter guy was really nice, I decided to give it a shot on Wednesday. And it was confirmed that this was not a direction I wanted to go. After witnessing the store manager of the office I was visiting burst into tears after getting chewed out by someone at the corporate office, and finding out the company's policies in wanting to keep the loans constantly renewed, basically leading to them being able to keep making money while keeping people in debt, it just wasn't something I could participate in.

I love Office Team. I visited this staffing agency on Thursday, and they actually treated me with respect, as someone who has good office skills and has something to offer an employer and should be fairly compensated in return. I scored above 95% on all the skills tests they gave me, Word, Excel, typing, data entry, etc. Hallelujah. I wanted to hug the girl I interviewed with. They called me back on Friday with a great prospect in the financial aid dept of a local career college, which I will be going to interview for on Monday. I also have an interview on Monday with a shipping company that needs help in their accounting dept. (Thanks, James!)

Tuesday was the 2nd official OB appointment. As I'm only just over 12 weeks now, it was pretty standard stuff, just running my vitals and weighing me (oh joy). Dr. Mitchell used a doppler to try to listen for a heartbeat, as they can pick one up as early as 10 weeks, but it was a no-go. He said it was probably still a little early as the baby is still probably sitting low in my abdomen, putting it behind the pelvic bone, and I'm slightly retroverted, so it might be tilted farther back. I'm also sure it didn't help that I have some "cushioning" in my belly which could probably block the sound. :) But, we did schedule the ultrasound for May 8, so I'll be really excited to see that. Hopefully the big "Boy or Girl?" question will be answered, because as much as I admire those people who want to go old school and wait to be surprised and see what it is when it's born, I just don't have that much patience in this situation. I would rather be prepared.

Last night was Janessa's wedding, which was super fun. Rick had a colleague cover his on-call so we could at least be there for the ceremony and most of the traditional reception events. The wedding was BEAUTIFUL, physically and emotionally. Janessa and her merry maids were gorgeous in their dresses, and I had major hair envy. They looked great. It was so touching to see Jeff & Janessa gaze at each other so lovingly that Jeff missed his first cue when the minister said, "Repeat after me..." They had a beautiful classy reception with GOOD food, and the best man made a nice toast. Good times with good friends as Rick & I sat with Megan & Rusty, Jon & Suze, and the solo Mr. Babler, as his wife was one of the beautiful bridesmaids with lots of wedding day duties, but she popped over to say hi during dinner. Thank goodness I had a pocket pack of Kleenex in my purse. With good times and bad, I'm having kind of a weepy week. Hooray, hormones!

Holy crap-crap-crappy weekend

2007-04-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

I've been realizing lately that I'm getting a little burned-out with doing massage full-time, and due to the pregnancy, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up with the physical demands. I do a lot of intense, deep tissue work, sports-style massage, and stretching, which has been taking it's toll on my body lately. That, combined with my conflicted feelings regarding my workplace and boss, has led me to start seeking alternative employment. If I've told you my stories about Vee, you know what I mean. So, I had been keeping an eye out for office assisting/administrative type of positions, with the intention of securing one that will meet my needs for the next year or so, then giving a professional 2-weeks notice at the spa. Oops, change of plans.

I am seriously too tired to recount the whole story, but a privileged few know about the professional goodbye my boss gave me as I ended up quitting my job over the phone at 7pm on Saturday. Let's just say I shouldn't repeat it because I'm going to be someone's mother soon, and I'm trying to give up that kind of language. Ahem. Wow. Didn't want it to happen this way, but it was going to happen eventually, so now, to use her words, I just wish her distance.

I went back to the spa yesterday and caught up on all of my treatment notes, cleaned up my room, and packed all my stuff. It felt liberating and nerve-racking at the same time. I felt somewhat better later in the evening after Dad came over and Rick grilled some mm-mm-mm tasty burgers. However, when Vee called again at 8:30 this morning, I felt physically ill. My heart was pounding, I felt sick to my stomach, and I couldn't get my hands to stop shaking. Wow, if ever I needed confirmation that I did the right thing, even if it was in a less than ideal manner, I think that seals it.

Getting better tonight after eating for the first time today at 7 this evening. Got my resume out a lot today, went on a positive interview this afternoon, got a call on another prospect while I was gone, and talked to some really great friends and former colleagues on the phone. (Dana, Frances, and Amy are my angels) I'll do some more follow-up for Tuesday, maybe hit some of the staffing agencies, then the monthly OB appointment at 3:30. The sun'll come out tomorrow.....

Models of Motherhood

2007-04-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Feeling wistful and philosophical on a rainy and dreary night. I just saw the movie Elizabethtown tonight. It follows a man who is lost in his life and suddenly loses his father. He goes back to his father's hometown, gets reacquainted with family, meets a girl, goes on a journey, Hollywood stories, yada, yada, it wanders a little, but still I like it. There are just certain moods and small elements of life that feel so familiar when an author or filmmaker can capture them for you. Cameron Crowe, are you reading my mind?

So, on my mind as always, but even more so now as I prepare to be a mother, my own mother. I lost her when I was very young, 4 1/2, and my few personal memories get cloudier as each year goes by. I do however, get the occasional privilege of seeing her through the eyes of others. Mom lived for a while as a teenager with her aunt and uncle , and her cousins Bea & Annette saw her as a sister. I just read a recent post by Bea about her remembering the 3 of them singing and playing the guitar together. Stories like this always tug at my heart. So many people seem to have such sweet memories of her. I wish I had more of them.

I have been struggling with this idea: how on earth could I be someone's mother when I hardly remember seeing mine in action? And I know this is mainly an internal crisis. Everyone finds their own way to parent eventually. A lot of people don't even get along that well with their parents. They want to try to diverge from the path their parents took in child raising. But it is just part of the hole I feel. I want to be able to ask my mom myself. What were her pregnancy experiences? How did she feel in labor? How did she approach being a mother?

But I am lucky I am not alone. In spite of the sadness and loss I will always feel in connection with my mom, I have been provided with wonderful people who don't take her place, but come awfully close. They will be my models for motherhood.
My husband, who is always caring and concerned for me when I don't feel well.
My dad, who no matter what, always did everything he could to make sure I was taken care of.
My cousin Annette; I hope she knows that I aspire to be as great a mom as she is.
My friend Dana who is always there for me; babies may be scary, but we first learn about nurturing through taking care of each other, and then our pets!
My friend Megan who has also been there for me when it really counted; I thank her for her zany humor, massive photographic talent, and unique perspective on life.
My 2 mothers-in-law, Brenda & Debra, who both welcomed me so warmly and easily into their families.

I may have already lived longer than my mom had a chance to, which is sad, and scary. But hopefully I can do enough living for us both. I want to make her proud.

Meow

2007-04-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

This story made my day.

Mystery cat takes regular bus to the shops

Enjoy! :)

blech

2007-04-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

So far, so good on the morning sickness. Those who know me well know that vomit & I have an intimate history together. So much time spent hugging Mr. Porcelain, so many embarrassing public vomiting experiences. I pretty much thought I would be doomed in the morning sickness department, but I have been OK since overcoming the sinus infection nastiness with accompanying antibiotic side effects. However, this doesn't mean I will be showing up at those eating competitions on ESPN. I have found my limits. On Sunday morning specifically.
Combine the following:
1 Empty morning stomach
+Coffee
+Ice water
+Iron-containing prenatal vitamin
+Apple
= gross

So, so, so stupid. I think I have staved off the morning sickness by usually trying to eat smart in the morning, and not taking the vitamin on an empty stomach. On Easter morning though, I skipped breakfast in favor of waiting for the yummies to be had at the family get-together, but thought, maybe I should just have a piece of fruit so my blood sugar doesn't get too low. It seriously only took 3 minutes after eating half the apple before my stomach cried, "NO!" I didn't even feel nauseated. Just knew that I had about 3 seconds to reach the bathroom.

What fun. Hope I made your day. Sorry about the grossness. This is the reality when the kid is only about the size of an orange. The cute stuff comes later. Next doctor's appointment is next Tuesday, when we'll be scheduling the first ultrasound. That will be more fun than vomit.

Fertility, flowers, & foul foods

2007-04-08T05:35:00.000-07:00

Ah, Easter, that sweet and logical time of year when we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with Pagan fertility symbols like bunnies and eggs. Just ask Stan from South Park what it all means here.
I know, I am a terrible blasphemer, an evil heathen, and I will be punished. But didn't God grace us with intelligence and a sense of humor? So, South Park is really offensive, usually over the top and gross, and yes, it is a cartoon, and no, children should not watch it, but I still find it freakin' hilarious.

Also on the subject of Easter, we're usually seeing beautiful weather and all of the early spring flowers have burst forth. Yup, they did a lot of bursting last week, and then Mother Nature decided to kick them in the gut. After temps in the 80's last Monday, it has now plunged to 22 degrees. I was so ecstatic when the tulip bulbs I lovingly planted bloomed into beautiful reds, pinks & yellows. I have a bit of a bad history with plants, so this is an accomplishment for me. Now all hope is lost and my pride has turned to shame.

So cruel, so sad, taken out when in their prime. I seem to remember lots of literature from high school English that reiterated the lesson that man should never think he can conquer Mother Nature. We never learn.

Also on the subject of Easter, the Nash family prepares for it's annual gathering in Smithville. Cousin Geraldine has graciously offered to host us again. Grandma Nash called me last week to fill me in on the details and informed me that Geraldine had me down for deviled eggs. She "had me down" for them? As in I'm famous for my love of and fantastic making of deviled eggs? Let the record show, right now, that:
a) I'm not a picky eater. There are just a few foods in the American diet that gross me out. Deviled eggs being one of them.
b) I'm a pretty decent cook. There are any number of dishes I could prepare well and would have been happy to bring to our Easter gathering. Macaroni & Cheese, anyone?
c) On my top 10 list of favorite things to do on a Saturday night after I get home from rubbing people's hairy backs, while I'm pregnant and sensitive to foul smells, being on my feet in the kitchen, hard-boiling and peeling a dozen eggs ranks at #672.
So, in spite of long-standing family delusions that I like deviled eggs, I have never even hard boiled an egg before. (I'm a scrambled egg girl.) My very loving and patient father gave me instructions over the phone, happy I'm sure to help, because it meant he didn't have to peel a dozen hard boiled eggs this year. Well, it was ugly, and time consuming, and smelly as I predicted, but they are done. I don't wish illness on my family, and would feel horrible if my grandma or an elderly cousin were to contract food poisoning, but I'm secretly hoping that they are AWFUL so I won't get asked to bring them again. Deviled egg making tips:
1. Use old (but not yet expired) crappy cheap white eggs. I just happen to buy high quality brown eggs for our normal household consumption because the nutritional value is way better. The brown shells seem harder & thicker, thus making peeling a tedious and frustrating process.
2. Let the eggs cool a lot before attempting to peel. I learned this the hard way as my wonderful husband tried to help me.
3. If you actually like these things, it might be good to taste your finished product before serving. I'm flying blind, sans taste-test today. I guess they look like deviled eggs....

Happy Easter everyone!

at the beginning

2007-04-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

Subtitle: What not to do when you're pregnant but you do anyway because you don't know you're pregnant yet. I'm on a bit of a blogging spree today as work is in a total pre-Easter lull. For those of you who haven't heard the story of my early pregnancy so far, I will share it with you. Warning: if you don't like sick people, this is probably TMI. You might enjoy this if you are killing time at work and have absolutely nothing else to do. If you die of boredom or get grossed out, I warned you...

Around the end of January, my husband Rick returned home from a Denver family visit and then came down with a really nasty cold or flu bug. Which I then acquired. Delightful. I managed to pull through the first couple weeks of February, fortunately, as this is the busiest time of year for my work as a massage therapist in a spa. I even had a beer for our quiet at-home Valentine's celebration. I battled some cold-like symptoms, and nausea, and my sense of smell seemed super-human in spite of congestion. But, by Friday, February 16, a day when I was preparing to do at least 5 massages, with 5-6 more to follow on Saturday, I went down hard. My head and whole body ached, my throat felt like I had been swallowing knives, I was weak, congested, and had hot & cold flashes. My holistic-therapy minded boss instructed me to stay at work so I could sit in the sauna and dowse myself in eucalyptus oil in hopes of boosting my immunity and sweating the illness out. I was really hoping for the best as I sat in that fragrant sweat box, furiously working at my lymph plexuses with the magic oil....to no avail. By 3 o'clock that day, I had all I could take of the sauna, and emerged to find out it was snowing! Perfect. I already felt too weak to drive. Maybe I would lie down for a while to regain my strength before heading home and the storm would blow over in the meantime. After passing out for an hour I look outside to find it is snowing harder, and am certain by now I need medical attention. I call my doc to find they've already gone. (Banker's hours!) *%$#! Francis the receptionist at work kindly helps me find a local Walgreen's with one of those quick clinics inside. So I begin the hour long trek in a snowstorm, at rush hour, overpay for gas in Fairway, still fearing my car will stall in the crappy weather, and finally make it from the Plaza to a Walgreen's on Metcalf in OP after 5:30.

My complements to the staff of the Take Care clinic at Walgreen's, as they saw me quickly and confirmed I had a severe sinus infection, prescribing some humungoid mutant antibiotics, allowing me to give the prescription to the oh-so-enthusiastic pharmacy staff by 6:15. The snotty pharmacy tech informed me I would need to wait an hour as they were really busy. I've done a lot of service-oriented jobs, so I really try to be empathetic and patient when a store or restaurant is swamped. But snotty attitudes set me off. Fine, I feel like lying on the floor to die and I'm carrying around an emesis basin, but I'll go sit in the waiting chairs with the rest of the angry impatient customers. I inform her that I will stay in the store until they call my name. I'm not going to drive all the way home in the snow with the way I'm feeling without the prescription. Under normal conditions, I'd be happy to walk around the store, shopping for makeup, trying on lotions or reading magazines, but I feel pretty certain that hurling is eminent. So I try to sit far away from everyone else and stifle the heaving as I watch customer after customer approach the pharmacy, get impatient and indignant, but finally leave with their prescriptions. I think it was around 7 when the hurling would be stifled no longer and my emesis basin came in handy. Not that either of the 2 useless Walgreen's store managers who had been walking past me every 10 minutes gave a care. The nicest person in the store was the photo lab lady, who let me go back to the employee restroom to finish up. Ultimately, this is a lesson in assertiveness. As everyone else was already yelling at the pharmacy staff, it felt useless to add my voice to the angry masses. So, I sit waiting another 20 minutes after the embarrassing public vomiting, as the pharmacy becomes almost empty. I finally stand up and hover around the counter, hoping someone will finally get a clue and help me. It only takes 5 minutes for another apathetic pharmacy tech to notice me and drift over. She finds my prescription is already in the bin and has been filled. They just chose not to notify me in spite of my saying that I would wait in the pharmacy for it to be ready. So relieved was I that I could finally get out of there and go home and to bed, I didn't stick around to give the management the bitching out they deserved. Now I've saved up all that healthy rage for a silly blog post. Stay tuned for the next episode when I recall the subsequent doctor's appointment that led to the discovery of my pregnancy....

sex ed

2007-04-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

I will hereby confess that one of the reasons I have been hesitant to join the blogging revolution is it just seems so personal. It is a little scary to put so much of one's life for massive consumption up on the internet. But, being pregnant is causing me to confront the fact that my body will no longer be just my own, and I have a feeling privacy will become a luxurious, distant memory.
So, let the truth come out. I am carrying a child conceived in spite of many years of careful oral contraceptive taking. Let's take a little lesson directly from detailed patient labeling of one such "birth control pill", Aviane-28. Open your eyes, ladies (cause the burden is on us!): "When they are taken correctly, the chance of becoming pregnant is less than 1.0% per year when used perfectly, without missing any pills. Typical failure rates are less than 3.0% per year....In comparison, typical failure rates for other methods of birth control during the first year of use are as follows: IUD 3%, Depo-Provera .3%, Norplant .1%, Diaphragm with spermicides 18%, Male condom alone 12%, Female condom alone 21%, compared to 85% with no methods of birth control." SO, even if you set an alarm to take that cute tiny pill every single day at the exact same time, you could have a .9% chance of getting pregnant. Believe me, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out where I could have gone wrong, as the pill was part of my daily routine. The only possible hiccup is a bout of drunkeness/possible food poisoning that led to one really awesome vomit-filled night around New Year's. Perhaps the pill was not able to make it through and had the same fate as my regurgitated chicken tacos. If you're totally grossed out by now, many apologies. Blood, gore, puke, poop, etc., are also realities I'm preparing for.
And, if I have scared the crap out of you OC loyalists, take heart. This experience has also brought out in me a newfound faith in (but never total understanding of) God. Roll your eyes if you want, but he or she seems to make some things happen for a reason. If you are an eye-roller, don't worry, I'm not going to get all Fred Phelps or Jerry Falwell on you, because believe me, I have had plenty of disagreements with God in the past. So, here's to making the best of the opportunities that are given to us, whether we ask for them or not. Hold up your beer and wine glasses and I'll toast you with my non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice.

New life springs eternal

2007-03-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

Feeling slightly philosophical, considering my new prego status, and the arrival of my favorite time of year. Just in case you're not familiar with the pregnancy process because you're a) not an OB, b) not a woman, or c) never been pregnant, I'll be using this blog to document my new journey into parenthood. Oh my lord. Already, this horrible writing is an example of how pregnancy decreases your brain power and how the hormones make you distracted and forgetful. I will find documentation of the statistic somewhere. A pregnant woman's brain actually shrinks (and thankfully returns to its previous size after delivery) Suck, suck, suck! But I digress. This is a flighty-minded time of year anyway.
Spring in KC is terrific. I must consider that I've not experienced spring in many other places, but compared to other seasons in KC, spring's the winner (followed closely by fall). Although I still have a child-like magical attachment to the fun of summer, here in the midwest it's usually just blazing hot & humid. Don't even get me started on my hatred of winter. Well, I'm started now. Once Christmas is over and the Plaza lights go off, I have no use for the months of January & February. So boring, so much cabin fever-just ask how I got pregnant.... Many apologies to MLK Jr., Presidents Washington & Lincoln, and St. Valentine, but your holidays are minor distractions to help me through the mind-numbing misery of a midwest winter. I don't even want to think about how it was for the settlers here 200 years ago.
But spring! Spring is hope, a fresh start, new life! Call me a sap, but some things are cliche for a reason. The signs are everywhere. I love new spring flowers. There are daffodils everywhere in our neighborhood. They're such a cheery yellow. I was even surprised to find some in the backyard that I had no idea were there. And I've been obsessively tracking the growth of the tulip bulbs I planted last fall, watching in awe as every day, the leaves grow taller from the earth. Now, I can't wait to actually see the blooms. I think the chicken wire I buried over the bulbs was well worth the extra effort, because I saw the neighborhood gangs of squirrels furiously digging in my beds all winter. But, I think by the current sprout count, all the bulbs were left safe in the ground.
The animals know it is here. I can't get my normally reasonably obedient dog to come inside without a struggle. She seems to love keeping constant vigil over the backyard, and I know she will have more to keep track of as all of the suburban wildlife rears their babies. We have tons of squirrels and birds, and I'm just waiting to see the bunnies. I'm sure Gretchen will keep tabs on them all, as she did with the loose dog that was running through the neighborhood this morning! I heard her barking out back and went to see what was getting her so excited when I saw a cute black & tan dog moseying around the yard. Inspired by my friend Megan's recent success with pet rescue and reuniting a German Shepherd with it's owner, I left Gretchen in the backyard, and went to the front to see if I could get this dog to come. As soon as I whistled and patted my knees, he came happily bounding over. Fortunately, Bodie had tags, so I could immediately contact his owner, who had already been frantically driving around searching for him. I let Bodie in the house since he had current rabies tags so he wouldn't wander off until his owner arrived. He immediately made himself at home, bounding up the stairs and helping himself to Gretchen's food. I was amused, Gretchen was not! :) But it didn't take long for his owner to arrive, and he recognized her as soon as her car pulled in front of the house. Reunited and it feels so good.... So hopefully I have built up some positive pet karma for myself in case Gretchen ever gets lost. Happy springtime stories, and life continues, including the tiny one in my abdomen. More posts to come on that....